From Mrs. Surname Want to Be

Dear Mr. Surname,

I only need a man who can openly accept the love
my heart is longing to give.

A man who will treat me as his partner, not his property.
A man not afraid to share his story with me.
A man who know how to trust and how to value it.
A man who will accept the old me, present me and future me.
Not a man who’s afraid of changes.

We girls naturally love to change ourselves, specially our looks and mind.
But the hardest thing to change for us, is our heart.
We might change our perfume, the way we walk or talk,
But we don’t easily change the people we chose to love.

Most of you think women are complicated.
But hey, we’re not. We’re simply being us.
Our moods change easily. We love crazily. 

Besides, not all things are meant to be understood.
And when it comes to me loving a man, and a man loving me,
This will be my direct message for him:

“As long as you’re staying, even if you can’t understand me,
One thing you’re sure of, despite of all the uncertainties,
You will always get the love that you deserve.

When I push you away, I don’t mean it, pull me back.
And when you don’t need my love anymore and decided to leave,
Don’t feel guilty and look at me while I’m broken.

Because after that, you might never see me again – like I was before.
Remember, a woman love changes.”

Sincerely,
Mrs. Surname Want to Be

My first International Travel

Singapore. Year 2014 is actually my first attempt to land and experience other country. But unfortunately, it didn’t worked. The immigration officers seemed so suspiscious of me travelling alone for the first time. Though I have Letter of Invitation, copy of ID/pass & Address/Contact details of my cousin, what they want is a proof that we’re cousin. I can still remember even the minor things happened that night but that’s not the story I want to share.

After 2 years, I gave it a 2nd try. I contacted my cousin and consulted my parents about it. They know it will make me happy and my cousin is so kind to welcome me in SG. So I bought a ticket for 1 week and January 10, I was there in front of IOs again. I brought what they asked before, birth certificate of my cousin but they even checked our personal conversation just to be sure I am in contact with my sponsors. That is sort of invading privacy but if that’s how it works for them fine I didn’t question anymore all I want is to successfuly board and ride on an airplane for the first time in my 26 years of living.

Since waiting for the IOs decision, I think everything went smoothly. They marked the form w/ the boarding pass and directed me to go to the gate and wait for the plane.

To be continued >>This is a shot taken by my ate Janice as we meet at Changi airport. Ngiting tagumpay.

Crush Revelations – Puppy Loves

Nuong bata pa ako, nagkaron ako ng crush (matinding crush) sa mga lalaking pinsan ko pala. Hindi ko pa din alam kung ano ibig sabihin ng ‘pinsan’ nuon. Ang alam ko lang may gusto ako sa kanila at kinukwento ko sila sa mga kaklase ko. Kinikilig ako pag niloloko ako ng mga kaklase ko pero kunwari galit ako para hindi nila sabihin sa mga crush ko.

Una si kuya Tibo – una ko syang nakita nung nakagat ako ng aso at pasan ako ng mamay (lolo) ko. Naka-bike siya, lumapit samin at nagtanong kung napano ako. Grade 3 ako nuon. Tumatak na ang maamong mukha nya sa isip ko. Mahilig ako manuod at maglaro ng Prince and Princesses nuon. Mga manika at paper dolls. Iniisip kong siya ang aking prinsipe na magliligtas sa akin sa mumu at mag aalaga sakin. Gusto ko ang kanyang mga mata. Nagtataka ako kung bakit sa gwapo niya e binata pa din siya hanggang ngayon.

Sunod si kuya Gerald – malimit ko siyang makita sa school nuon. Grade 4 ako, Grade 5 siya. Halos magkatabi ang rooms namin pero nasa taas ng hagdan ang sa amin kaya tanaw sila sa bintana. Lagi kong hinahanap ang kanyang buhok na ulandes, may hati sa gitna at may bangs. Pag napunta ako sa ilaya para samahan ang itay magdalaw ng sakop niya bilang katiwala, nakikita ko siyang nagsisibak ng kahoy. Hinangaan ko ang kanyang sipag. Drummer din siya sa mini band at ako ay majorette. Gusto ko ang ngiti niya. Kakakasal lang niya.

Habang naaalala ko, naisip ko na ang aga kong ‘nagkagusto’ worse term ‘lumandi’. Buti na lang takot ako sa itay ko kaya hanggang gusto lang ako at hindi ako nagka boyfriend nuong estujante pa lang ako.

Nakakatuwa dahil may nakita ako sa facebook. Picture nila na magkasama. Kaya napasulat ako ng rebelasyong ito. Wala naman malisya kasi bata pa ako at bukod sa magpipinsan kami, isa lamang iyong nakakatuwang ala ala. Madami nagkaka crush sakin nuong bata pa ako, at swerte na ang mga lalaking naging crush ko na hindi ko pinsan, na ibubulgar ko mamaya.

Ito sila ngayon –  Kuya Gerald at Kuya Tibo (Roiland)

Image may contain: 2 people

LIST OF MY CHILDHOOD/OLD TIME CRUSHES: 

*Sila ay mga naging crush ko na Iglesia din.

  1. Isa din sa una kong naging crush, pinakamatagal kong naging crush – si kuya Emman. Cute na cute ako sa smile niya at gusto ko lagi marinig ang boses niya. Grade 3 ako nuon. Magkaiba kami ng school pero malimit kami magkasama sa kapilya. Tuwang tuwa ako pag nasali siya sa laro namin at kilig na kilig ako nuong naging magkalampi kami sa Touch ball. Lagi ako natataya at sine save niya ako. Alam ng mga kapatid at pinsan niya na gusto ko siya. Sobrang talino niya, masunurin at responsableng anak. Parang bata pa lang siya, matanda na siya mag isip. Simula nung malaman ko ang ibig sabihin ng salitang asawa, naging hiling ko na siya ang mapangasawa ko pag pwede na. Siya rin ang kaisa isang crush ko na sinabi ko sa pamilya ko. Nagulat ako dahil hindi nagalit ang itay nung nalaman niyang crush ko si Emman. Natuwa siya at naramdaman kong boto siya kaya lalo ko siya nagustuhan. Suplado man siya, alam kong isa pa din siya sa pinaka gentleman na nakilala ko. Wala akong balita kung may gf o nililigawan siya.
  2. Si Ka PJ, walang ibang nakakaalam pero kung sinoman makakabasa niyo ay malalaman na. Bata pa lang kami nung una kaming magkita. First time kong pumunta sa kapilya ng Batangas City, Grade 4 ata ako nuon kasama ang inay. Kalihim siya at habang naglalakad kami ng inay sa lobby papalapit sa kanila, nakatitig siya sakin at nakangiti. Madaming natutuwa sakin nung bata ako kaya normal sakin ang ngitian pero hindi ko makalimutan ang ngiti at titig niya sakin kahit bata pa ako at meron pang isang beses nung binhi na ako, iba talaga siya tumingin. Nahihiya ako pero sa totoo lang gusto ko makipag usap at itanong kung bakit ganun siya tumingin. Ang lakas ng dating niya. Moreno ang kulay niya. Binhi pa lang ako nuon at takot nga sa itay kaya umiiwas ako sa lalaki kasi nga ayaw ko magka boyfriend ng maaga. Hindi ko akalain na ministro na siya ngayon.
  3. Si Joseph, isa pa siya sa malimit tumitig at ngumiti sakin nuong bata pa ako – hanggang high school. Pero kahit kinikilig ako, ayaw kong isipin na may gusto siya dahil hindi naman niya ako kinakausap. Meron isang beses sa kapilya na buong pagsamba naka titig kami sa isat isa. Nasa koro siya at ako ay nasa kapulungan. Hindi ko alam kung MU yun. Basta ako hindi ko siya mangitian kasi naguguluhan ako at takot ako sa itay dahil bata pa ako at kelangan ko mag aral ng mabuti. Nadadaanan ko lagi ang bahay nila at malimit, nadun siya sa labas, nakatingin at nakangiti. Pogi at may pagka moreno din siya. May crush sa kanya si Pamela at dahil ayaw ko ng away, hindi ko maipagsabi na crush ko din si Joseph. Nakita ko na lang sa friendster nuon na may gf na siya. Isa na siyang pulis at pamilyadong tao ngayon.
  4. Si George, kaklase ko siya nung College. Iglesia din siya. Mabait at iba din ang dating. Naging magkatext kami. Stuart ang name nya sa cp ko. Akala ko aabot sa ligawan o posible maging kami, kaso siguro hindi niya talaga ako type at dahil lang sa Iglesia din ako kaya siya nakipagkaibigan. Naging gf niya kaklase namin na hindi INC at ngayon ay pamilyadong tao na din siya.

*Sila ay mga naging crush ko na hindi Iglesia

  1. Si Allan George, High school, moreno siya at masayahin. Gwapong gwapo ako sa kanya nuon at niloloko ako ng mga kaklase ko. Kaso patay na patay siya sa kaklase niya nuon at hindi ako palaayos nuon kasi nga wala pa sa isip ko ang magdalaga at magboyfriend. 2nd yr kami, 3rd yr sila.
  2. Si Potoy, 4th yr hs kami at 3rd yr sila. Kaklase siya ng kapatid ko. Iilan lang sa mga kaklase ko ang nakwentuhan ko pero ang cute cute nyang bata at mukhang napakabait. Sa surname siya tinatawag kahit ang ganda ng name niya. Ang ganda niya mag smile, kung babae siya mas maganda pa siya sakin at sa ibang babae. May gf na syang dancer.
  3. Si Jeffrey, kaklase ko siya nung high school. Ang tingin sa kanya bakla pero para sakin iba lang talaga siyang magsalita. Pero sa pagtrato niya sa babae, para sakin isa siyang lalaki. Palabiro at matatag na tao. Mapagmahal na anak at may tiwala sa sarili. Magulo lang siya kausap minsan pero maalagang kaibigan. May iba siyang gusto na kaklase din namin. Madami na siya naachieve sa buhay.
  4. Si Godoy, mabilis ko lang siya naging crush. Pogi siya kaso malambot talaga at ang hinhin ng ngiti niya. Madaldal siya at nakakatuwang kasama. Isa na siyang konsehala sa brgy nila.
  5. Si Agner, galing niya kumanta at malakas din ang dating. Kaso patay na patay din sa ibang babae. Hindi kami naging magkaibigan man lang nung college.
  6. Si King, para sakin bagay sa kanya ang palayaw niya. Ang pogi niya at iba din siyang tumingin. Bad boy ang tingin sa kanya pero mabait naman at tingin ko nuon kelangan niya talaga ng pagmamahal. Sa hitsura niya naisip kong madaming babae ang magmamahal sa kanya at nakakaintimidate ang ate niya na teacher namin kaya hindi ako masyado makagawa ng move para maging kaibigan siya. Pamilyado na siya ngayon.

*Ito naman mga old time crushes ko na sikat na hindi na kailangang ipaliwanag kung bakit ko naging crush:

  1. Karl Malone ❤
  2. Channing Tatum
  3. Johnny Depp
  4. Leonardo DiCaprio
  5. Jericho Rosales
  6. Joseph Marco
  7. Arron Villaflor

Meron din akong mga naging crush sa school at kapilya na hindi ko alam ang pangalan. Kung bakit malakas ang loob kong isulat at ilahad ang mga ito, ay dahil nakakatuwang alalahanin ang mga kilig moments nung kabataan. Kahit sabihin niyong wala kayong pakialam sa mga naging crush ko, bakit niyo pa binasa wala namang pilitan ang pagbasa nito. Walang masamang  bumalik sa pagkabata, maging mababaw at tumawa. Dadating ang panahon na maaaring makalimutan ko sila. Ang mga lalaking pumukaw ng aking damdamin mula sa murang edad. Ang paglalahad na ito ay katunayang isa akong normal na babae na nakakaramdam, nagkakagusto, kinikilig, umaalala at nagmamahal.

#BEBOLD

First and hopefully the last detachment

MILESTONES

November 2013, Finally I had someone to call my boyfriend. I immediately introduced him to my family and he also introduced me to his family.

December 2013 – July 2014, we’re both in love. Both happy.

August – Sept 2014, a rocky relationship. misunderstandings and quarrels here and there. But both able to compromised.

October – Nov 2014, he said “I can’t be in a relationship right now. Let’s call-off” A month of mind blowing no contact rule.

December 2014 – March 2015, we’re in contact and in love again.

April 2015, He’s meeting new friends and admirers at new work. I was trying to be cool but I wasn’t able stop the doubt and jealousy.

May 2015, I was feeling alone, but don’t want to look so needy and clingy anymore. I ended up asking him, “I need to be alone.”

June 2015, I’m waiting for the magic to come back. To know if there is still love. Waiting to see him in front of my door again. I thought everything will be alright.

July 2015, I’m holding on. But he surrendered so early. The guilt was mine! Found out he’s in love, and it’s not me.

August 2015, too anger and sadness and in denial. I was so confused. I can’t talk to him with anger so I decided to act as if I don’t care of what was happening.

September 2015, “Is it my lost? or his lost?” Still confused and don’t know how did I just let him go to fall in love with other woman so fast.

October 2015, I lose control and went to talk to him “Don’t throw us. Let’s start again.” But he said “it’s gone. I can’t leave her now.” (Popoy and Basha wannabe)

November 2015, I said “I’m happy for you. Thanks for leaving me”. But deep inside still asking “Why ..how ..?”

December 2015, He’s building a family with her. Asked myself “After all, it’s her he choose”

January 2016, Singing “Oh Yes I’m the Great Pretender..pretending that I’m doing well :)”

February 2016, Stalked here and there and witnessed their happiness.

March 2016, We’re now a total stranger. I asked myself “Why is it still him?”

They’re getting married. It’s the sign. Enough. I have decided MOVING ON should be REAL. Forgive and forget him. Forgive myself more.

I told myself “He made you feel loved, be thankful, you are now alone but can’t you see how much peace you have now? Remember that your heart don’t have space for anger and hatred. If you’re able to forgive him, forgive yourself more. God never failed you with your prayers, only your prayer with him God didn’t approve. Maybe He is still choosing someone who really deserves your love. Keep your hopes and smile up, stay kind and sweet, be grateful everyday until God send you your love miracle.”

DON’T LOOK BACK. You’re anew. Keep moving forward.

Lesson Learned: A LIFETIME RELATIONSHIP IS A RESULT OF TWO PEOPLE WHO CONTINUALLY ADMIRE AND RESPECT EACH OTHER, SUPPORT EACH OTHER, GROW TOGETHER, TREASURES FRIENDSHIP AND WON’T GIVE UP ON EACH OTHER.

How Love Came to ME

God gives you answers in three ways:
1. He says yes and gives you want you want
2. He says no and gives you something better
3. He says wait and gives you the best.”

—————————————————————————

Oakaye! It’s been a while since I posted something here. Though I paused for a moment, I never stopped wondering, thinking and making conclusion on things. We all have our own perceptions and judgments in life anyway.

I just want to share something that just happened and many things happened very UNEXPECTEDLY.

Oakaye! So I started to be more busy on my job and I am focusing myself on bonding with my family and doing my duties on Church. And yes at the moment of my life were I least expected it, mr.cupido tripped on me. I’m so busy planning, working and earning from my home-based business and then he added and chatted me on facebook. Yes, it all started through social media. Let’s talk about him. I’ve heard his name before from my friends and childhood playmates who have crush on him. Though we’re worshiping on the same Church I seldom saw him. Before, I wasn’t sure if he’s a shy guy or an over confident man that he doesn’t think he needs friends because he is handsome and cool. That’s all I think about him before, a typical handsome guy who knows there are many girls who admire him.

He asked permission to court on facebook and after a month I answered yes through text. Very modern eh? Hmm..I felt excited for entering a relationship for the first time. At the age of 22, I know my parents won’t prevent it anymore. Being an old fashioned woman, it’s my dream to have only one man love from first boyfriend to husband. And that’s what I am working which I hope he’ll work on, too with me and I hope it works 🙂

After months of dating as couple, I’ve been admiring his calmness. I believe trust is the key to a long lasting relationship. And now instead of measuring his efforts to make me happy, I now focus on doing things that can make him happy and will be best for both of us. He taught me how to kiss. He makes me feel like a teenager from the first time he kissed my hand and then forehead. I always want him holding my hand and I want to hug and smell him always. Based on the articles I read, those are just normal when you’re in love and I’m sure I’m not being demanding. People say don’t be too needy and I’m still observing myself if I am being needy. But to be honest, I can’t imagine my life without him.

Happy love life is not about lust, though money can affect, it is still how the couple treasure and take care of each other and their will to make love last forever. So this post shares how I truly fell in love and went in a relationship for the FIRST TIME. I just want to feel this moment and not worry about the future. My family is complete, I have online business, I am a member of INC, I have friends and I have a handsome, calm as the sea and sweet lover so who am I to complain? I feel lucky and blessed indeed!  As long as there is love, everything matters. Boooom!!!